I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
Randomize
