i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
Is it because I queefed?
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
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