so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
Randomize