you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
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