I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
Alive.
So much puke
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
Dear god my vagina.
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
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