By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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