VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
