After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
Randomize
