Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
Randomize
