Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
Randomize
