Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Randomize
