at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
