even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Randomize
