she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
Randomize