he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
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