Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Randomize
