and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
You peed on a flamingo?!?
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
