sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
Randomize
