Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
Randomize
