My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
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