Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Randomize
