...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
soo... how was my night?
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
