i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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