He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
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