Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
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