She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
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