You hook up with other guys, let him talk to other girls.
no
Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize
