Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
Randomize
