i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
Randomize
