I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
Randomize