Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
Randomize
