I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
That accounts for only three of the penises
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
Randomize
