I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
Randomize
