butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
Randomize
