My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
Randomize
