So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
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