I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
Randomize
