You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
Randomize
