Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
Randomize
