Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
Randomize
