I think I just saw someone hide a body.
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
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