after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
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