I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
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