you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
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