I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize
