someone threw a dead crab at me
good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
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