This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
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