I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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