Duck Duck Cougar?
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
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