You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
