That's when you crack a 10am beer
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
lets start a swedish sibling band together
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
My dick has a subreddit
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
Randomize
