he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
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