This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
Randomize
