i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
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