I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
Randomize
