clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
Randomize
