may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
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