there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
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