after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
Randomize
