using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
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