Those kids are glorified dude-bros. It's banal.
dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
Randomize
