Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
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