U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
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