dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
Randomize
