by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Randomize
