We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
Randomize