it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
Damn victory sex feels great
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
Randomize
