if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
Randomize