This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
Randomize
