Dude, I woke up at my ex's house. I am spooning her half naked roommate. There is a pizza on my shoulder. I need you to come pick me up.
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
Semen is not good for contacts.
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
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