have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
Randomize