im about as happy as oj after his trial
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
Randomize
