I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
I touched a dick in church today
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
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