Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
Randomize
