I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
Randomize
