was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
