Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
I think I sprained my soul last night
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Randomize
