someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
Randomize
