planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
Randomize
