google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
Randomize
