I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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