Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
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