I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
Randomize
