you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
Randomize
