I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
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