If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
Randomize
