Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
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