This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
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