Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
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