The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
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