I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
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