dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
I look excited, but its just a facade.
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
Randomize
