walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
Randomize
