i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
Randomize
