never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
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