I just saw a hot homeless man
i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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