Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Btw I puked in your glovebox
Randomize
