goodnight i made you a song goodbye
I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
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