so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
My breath smells like gin and sadness
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