my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize
