Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
Randomize