Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
Randomize
