And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
