my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
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