Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
Randomize
